Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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