So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
worst night to have a conscience
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
