It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
