I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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