What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
