Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
