He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
