Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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