it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
