Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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