you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
