the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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