Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
