there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
