Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
