Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
