It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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