Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
