i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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