I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
