I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
