Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
