You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
