Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
