Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
