The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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