and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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