Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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