I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
