His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
