girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
