Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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