pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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