if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and she was petting her beer can
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
