I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this boner is exhausting
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
