why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
