she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im on a boat
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