Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
