she woke up with a sticky ear
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
