Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
please come you make the beer taste better
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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