Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
