On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
