Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
