I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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