i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
