i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
