Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
