So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
