Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
