I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
